I always feel like I’ve overcome some great obstacle when I’ve used the public transit of another city – especially when no form of rail transit is used. On my lovely travels in the pacific northwest, I was able to make it from Seattle to Bellingham and Bellingham to Seattle to Seatac with my own devices.  I think the thing that gives me the largest sense of accomplishment is that I’m typically so nervous on the trains and such. I always have the looming anxiety while I’m not too sure where the bus goes, or when I have to push the button or pull the cord to get off. I don’t know if the stop that I’m at is the one I want to get off. Or if the directions I got from the website are correct, especially when I ask a bus driver if the bus takes me to the airport and his response is, “I don’t go into the airport, I go just past it” and I decide to go with it anyway, for the adventure – and because if I get lost, I have time to kill and the ability to call a taxi, or a a friend who’s next to a computer and able to assist me via their own internet connection. But still, I sit on the bus waiting to see where it’s taking me, if “just past the airport” means an exit on the interstate past, or a tenth of a mile walk to the terminal. Lucky for me, it was a tenth of a mile walk, as I had thought, and all of my prior research was correct. 

If I’m to analyze this even further (and really, who are we kidding here, I’m going to analyze the hell out of it) this comes down to my need to be right… umm… all of the time. So the fact that for a half an hour, or right around that I don’t actually know if I’m right or not, and it turns out that in the end I am, well hot damn! I’m a superstar. Now, on top of that, being that I was the only one to take the 191 to he airport stop either makes me an idiot or amazingly adept at traversing the jungle of the unfamiliar city’s public transit. We know that I made it to the terminal – and all the way back to Denver, so it comes right on down to the fact that I’m amazing, obviously. The irony in all of this is that I feel the anxiety for up to an hour or more, not sure where or when or how I’ll end up where I’m going – or if I have enough change to pay for it. When I finally get there I have that minute or two of feeling like I’ve prevailed over something invincible… but when it comes down to it, really the stress outweighs it. It leaves me laughing at myself, the pride I feel is pretty silly all-in-all, especially if I were to find myself lost in the end. 

As I was on my flight to Seattle, I had the great fortune of finally able to sit down and read one of my favorite periodicals: Good. In this amazing magazine, I read the profile of Tom Siebel. The name is likely lost to a great number of people, which is entirely expected. Siebel is the center figure of the Meth Project – to which he’s donated millions of his own to produce.

It was great to read about this man, and I was taken aback by the short write-up that they did on him. What strikes me as most amazing about him is his drive to solve a problem at its root. Methamphetamine has been an issue in Montana for some time, and detrimentally so. Where the legislators in Montana wished to make the prison system larger, Siebel had the insight to suggest something different. He made some of the most shocking advertisements I have ever seen. His work produced the wanted result and today Meth use in Montana is down – a lot. It makes me pretty hopeful to encounter people like this, even by proxy of a magazine.

It reminds me a little bit of the Foundation for a Better Life. I remember seeing a PSA produced by this group, and thinking that it was a cover for some religious entity or company or something, I decided to investigate. I came to found that it’s a foundation that does not accept any sort of donations from anywhere, it already has donors, and those donors remain completely anonymous. You know the ads, “Eats Flies, Dates a Pig, Hollywood Star…” and you see a picture of Kermit the Frog? I’ve admired that campaign from that day forward. Whenever I see a billboard, or posters, or anything, I get psyched to see that people really care about one another.

I had a friend recently say to me, “Life seems to produce so many people that have interest in no one other than themselves.” All too often that seems to be the case, but I think when it comes down to it, most people are really interested in serving one another in a big way, in great ways. Those voices, however, seem to be drowned out, until a few good ones come up to the surface and surprise all of us. Here’s to the world changers, even putting a little smile on a few people’s faces here and there.

I tend to give people a certain amount of trust right off the bat, and I think I’m finding myself evaluating how it’s given away so freely. I feel like it’s been some time since someone has betrayed my trust in a similar way. If it has been betrayed this way ever before.

I enjoy giving the benefit of the doubt. I love giving more chances than simply one, and certainly more chances than may be deserved. This time, I think it was all for naught. Perhaps this is the end of the line for me. I cannot bear a grudge in this, so I will forgive. But there is a bridge that is burned. 

To avoid being vague, I gave the opportunity for one person to be completely honest with me, and there were blatant lies that I received in honesty’s stead. I typically open those opportunities to face hurt at its most honest and open place, because the truth is very important to me, and I’d much rather hear truthful statements and questions than have it be glossed over with dishonesty to protect me. It is certainly of the utmost importance; I hold that principal most dear. So when the door has been open to the truth, and it always is, I’ve encountered most going through it. So much so, in fact, that I’ve come to believe that all people have the decency to at least take a look through that door, while most take the opportunity to walk through. For the first time since I’ve started leaving this ‘door’ open, I had someone decide to throw a rock through the window with no regard to the door. This is my best stab at an explanation. My trust was utterly betrayed by someone lying to me.

I think it is understood that if someone lies about one thing, then it takes away the validity of all things said and/or done by them in the past. This is where that rule of second, or third, or fourth chances comes into play for me. I’ve had people take that second chance and run with it; make a decision to be honest from that point forward. I can’t say I’ve ever known someone who has taken that opportunity and run from it, until now.

Forgiveness is by no means a basic, positive human right—that is, a right in which people should be actively given. The ability to give forgiveness, however, is, of course, one’s own prerogative. I will give it here. Holding onto a grudge against anyone, it’s like storing some ball of bitterness, and I know that is harder to get rid of than any hurt that may have been inflicted. However, I now know that when someone throws that rock through the window, they definitely see that the door closes, the window gets boarded up and eventually fixed, they do face a consequence. The privilege is lost. I think this is the first time I’ve closed this door to anyone.  

There were two things I asked: that I be respected and that I be kept in the loop. Neither done, game over.

So, a couple of weeks ago, I was getting a new blog set in order and encountered something where somehow I deleted the blog from Germany. All of a sudden *poof* it was gone. I have an inkling to what I did to make that happen, but I am not entirely certain. After a bit of remorse shed for over 200 blog posts, I decided that a clean slate isn’t so bad.  After discussing it with a variety of people, it seemed to make a great deal of sense that it worked out that way anyhow.

Germany and my travels around Europe was a self-defining time for me. I cannot deny this fact. However, everything that I go through on some level or another becomes self-defining. I will never forget the time that I had in Germany (unless I end up with Alzheimer’s somewhere down the road), I will not forget many of the important observations made whilst I was there.  But the experience was a platform of sorts, off of which I can explore new ideas, come up with original thoughts, and build off of what I already have. For this, I’m rather excited. 

I was able to recover just a couple of posts from the most extensive blog of my life – and for me, that’s actually going to be enough. A few glimpses into my thoughts at the time. More importantly, I look forward to what is to come – and the thoughts that I have there. 

As an introduction to a new horizon – I have no true plans for this journal of thought. The hope is that it will essentially act as a venue for mental vomiting on my part – largely serving selfish purposes. But who knows – the altruistic side of me may just come out to impart some form of knowledge on whatever form of readership I may obtain.