Je deteste les menteurs
I tend to give people a certain amount of trust right off the bat, and I think I’m finding myself evaluating how it’s given away so freely. I feel like it’s been some time since someone has betrayed my trust in a similar way. If it has been betrayed this way ever before.
I enjoy giving the benefit of the doubt. I love giving more chances than simply one, and certainly more chances than may be deserved. This time, I think it was all for naught. Perhaps this is the end of the line for me. I cannot bear a grudge in this, so I will forgive. But there is a bridge that is burned.
To avoid being vague, I gave the opportunity for one person to be completely honest with me, and there were blatant lies that I received in honesty’s stead. I typically open those opportunities to face hurt at its most honest and open place, because the truth is very important to me, and I’d much rather hear truthful statements and questions than have it be glossed over with dishonesty to protect me. It is certainly of the utmost importance; I hold that principal most dear. So when the door has been open to the truth, and it always is, I’ve encountered most going through it. So much so, in fact, that I’ve come to believe that all people have the decency to at least take a look through that door, while most take the opportunity to walk through. For the first time since I’ve started leaving this ‘door’ open, I had someone decide to throw a rock through the window with no regard to the door. This is my best stab at an explanation. My trust was utterly betrayed by someone lying to me.
I think it is understood that if someone lies about one thing, then it takes away the validity of all things said and/or done by them in the past. This is where that rule of second, or third, or fourth chances comes into play for me. I’ve had people take that second chance and run with it; make a decision to be honest from that point forward. I can’t say I’ve ever known someone who has taken that opportunity and run from it, until now.
Forgiveness is by no means a basic, positive human right—that is, a right in which people should be actively given. The ability to give forgiveness, however, is, of course, one’s own prerogative. I will give it here. Holding onto a grudge against anyone, it’s like storing some ball of bitterness, and I know that is harder to get rid of than any hurt that may have been inflicted. However, I now know that when someone throws that rock through the window, they definitely see that the door closes, the window gets boarded up and eventually fixed, they do face a consequence. The privilege is lost. I think this is the first time I’ve closed this door to anyone.
There were two things I asked: that I be respected and that I be kept in the loop. Neither done, game over.