I’ve always managed to have many varied interests. I think the majority of that stems in my desire to learn. I’ve made some pretty bold statements around learning in the past, and instead of voicing something so rash while Im writing in a space that may never see a digital death, I’ll go right on ahead and simply say that learning is integral to a life lived well.  An interest in others, and allowing yourself to experience something through their eyes is imperative to keeping my life interesting, as I’m sure that it’s important to many other people’s lives, as well. I remember once telling myself that I wouldn’t maintain the same career for more than five years. Today, this has become the norm for most, though I’m not entirely certain that that is developed as a natural desire or goal in peoples’ minds, more a matter of circumstance. For me, it is a goal. I’m glad that at the age of 16 or so, I could acknowledge that I may never be able to settle into one career and always be satisfied.

The funny thing is, I have enjoyed my jobs for the most part. And i certainly enjoy my current job and career path. Most of them have provided some of the greatest opportunities to get to know people and expand my ability to learn, and also my knowledge. So, to leave and have a set termination date to move on seems silly, but the excitement of learning something complete different than the trajectory I’m on, well that makes sense.

I can even go back to the time that I was going through school. As a younger child I was completely unabashed about enjoying school. First it was reading, then it was the spacial reasoning with blocks, then it was biology, geography, science, art, math… I think I’ve enjoyed so many different subjects throughout my life so far. How dare I stop that now. It feels like a growth process for me, maybe equated with a tree. A very strange tree, at the very least. One that might grow all sorts of different branches, but some that are stunted early, but then grow exponentially after a couple of seasons, others that grow steadily over time, and those that jut out once, and quickly, to see some of the most amazing fruit thereafter. So, I’m now at just over two years in my current career, give me another two or so more, and I’ll move on. I’ll probably end up returning to school (which, I did not think would happen). Right now, I have my sights set on the law. Some form of it. And then we’ll see from there.

Alright, so already a quarter into the year, I’ve finally decided to tell the world what my New Year’s Resolution was for 2009. 240 Stamps. Actually, it is 20 stamps a month, for the entire year. It might just be my favorite resolution I’ve ever made. It put me into a position where I’m contacting more people, or people more, or differently than I might have before. Thus far, I’ve also kept up with it. Not overly ambitious, but enough fun that I’d stick with it throughout the year.

Now, the 36 Books thing was not a resolution, but a newly stated goal. I’ve been reading like mad. And thus far, about three books a month. If you do the math as I did, that’s 36 for the year. At least I can get that far when I mostly work with words the majority of the time. I must admit that not all of the books are great novels or awesome works of intelligent fiction, there’s some pop fiction, some classics I’ve reread, and then a handful of books I somehow missed so far in life (read: Chronicles of Narnia). I’ve found a sort of power in reading. Partly, it keeps me away from watching mindless television and raptured in a story, or in information by which I’m intrigued. I think I’ve always enjoyed reading, between the end of last year and the beginning of this, I’ve discovered a new love for the hobby. Oh, and in case anyone was keeping track, one of the best places to find classics that you might have missed at some point in your life: Thrift Stores; wow, are they a gold mine or what.

And maybe on account of me reading and writing a good bit more, I’ve seen my spoken vocabulary expand. Often with words that subconsciously creep in. There have even been circumstances where I know a word, I think it might be good in the context, I check, and it is. That might be the most bazaar of all. Especially considering that they weren’t on any AP English Vocabulary exams I ever had.

Also these two goals have given me a surprisingly great use of the web application Daytum. It tracks my count, in graphs and such, which keeps me in line with my goals. Check it.

I always have expectations when I return to Montana. About how I’ll spend my time, who I’ll spend my time with, what sort of work I will be able to complete and all of that stuff. I don’t remember a single time that my expectations have been fulfilled, but it always ends up being in the best possible ways. 

This time, I went back to my hometown expecting to spend a good amount of time with my family. My parents and sister and brother-in-law were all going to be around for the holidays and I thought it would be fun to hang around them. I had recently made contact with an old acquaintance from Helena and expected to spend a bit of time with him. I had some deep roots with families and friends and expected a visit with them briefly, at the very least. And yet, what surprised me the most is that I ran into so many faces that I hadn’t seen in years.

To familiarize you with the nature of social interaction in my hometown I’ll do my best to frame it for you: The only way to get away from people that you know, is to escape into the mountains. Even then, it’s not a guarantee. Though I have been gone for nearly six years, with sporadic visits within that time, I still saw familiar faces everywhere I went. I found that the most amazing thing was going out in the evening. There are really only so many places one can go and stay into the early morning. Because of this going out for the night is, as one old friend said, “like going to a class reunion, but for the entire high school”. 

It was insane. And fun! To have a few good laughs and some very inexpensive beer was spectacular. I was pretty happy about being able to run into some folks that I’ve had no contact with since I graduated from high school. After the many conversations I had I’m extremely proud of everyone I knew in Helena. By and large, it seems that many people are doing what they absolutely love to do. Whether it’s compromising a lucrative career for your ethics, teaching, synthesizing proteins, attending law school, planning public transit, or serving at a restaurant, people really seem to be loving it. And it makes me realize that there’s something innately wonderful about growing-up Montanan. I’ll never quite know if it’s the values, the big sky, the community or what exactly, that made us who we are. But going back to it, and realizing that I share something quite deep and spectacular with a few hundred-thousand folks; It makes me all the more proud of the place that saw me grow up, and that I come from that place.

I’ve always had a small family, relatively speaking. Mom, Dad, sister and me. Now this is my nuclear family… it’s getting bigger with my brother-in-law and his son. Only recently have I realized how much I absolutely adore my family and have realized what a great value they pose in my life. There’s a certain point that I come to in my weakness, where no friend could help as much as I need. Yet my parents or my sister are the people who know who I am and keep me grounded at the critical times that I need to be. They know the core of me, and I don’t think I ever realized it. They may not know the details of my life, they may not know all of the people I spend time with, but you better believe they know me.

My mother’s calming touch, talking me off the ledge when I’m scared, there’s nothing like it. And my father’s sweet words, and to hear when he’s in pain because I’m in pain - it shows the utmost love and support. And my sister’s soothing and thoughtful actions, I’ve never known a woman to care so much for her loved ones, to the point that she’ll go to any length to ensure her sister’s comfort. I’m blessed to be a member of my family, where the love runs as rich as I’ve known, and to know that there’s really nothing that can divide us.

I’m thrilled that I get to spend a few days with all of them. Growing up with them has been a treat, and who knew it could get sweeter as I go further into adulthood.

I lead a strange and interesting life, that’s to be certain. I’ve found the most frustrating thing about it recently is living my life on different levels.

1. I have a personal life, which at one point, I felt as though I was the only one who could see it. I then realized that it was valuable to be able to trust people with that aspect of my life from time to time. 

2. I have a life which others perceive. While I have little control how others see me, I still attempt to manage the way others see me as much as I possibly can. There are circumstances where this is not the case; typically dependent on how well I know the people around me. I’ll throw some inhibitions out the window if I’m completely comfortable.

Now, it’s the first two that I don’t mind. It’s the first two that I have dealt with for most of my life. That’s not to say I haven’t struggled, but I think many of the difficult parts I found have found a recurrence in this third part of my life. I can’t say I hate it, if I did I’d abandon it, I’ve just found it complicated recently. And that is: 

3. I have an online life. Yes, including this. When I speak of this, though, I’m mainly talking about the ‘online status’ part of my life. I’m hyper-sensitive to how I portray myself online. I don’t lie online, but I do choose to omit some private parts of my life. For many they’ll edit out their typical social interactions. I haven’t ever done that, not really. What I’m talking about is the general status messages about how I’m doing. At one point, I had horrible food poisoning, and made it sound quite mild saying on twitter that my stomach was upset. I think this a good indication, at least in that physical way, what I mean. 

Inherently, I don’t have a problem with omitting things. I don’t think it’s necessary for all of my ‘friends’ on Facebook, or those who follow me on Twitter to know how I’m doing all of the time, they don’t need to know if I’m having one hell of a crappy week, but I think it’s important for friends to know. Those whom I love, they want to know. I want to know when my friends are lousy, if only to support them. But what happens when the main way I stay in touch with friends to keep up on how their doing is syphoned through these methods? Some friendships warrant it, others don’t, that I understand. But those that do? What happens? They don’t get the dirt. They see my life through a filter. A filter put in place by some, but not for all. 

For me, this has become one of the most important reasons to push interpersonal interaction outside of the new technology that we see. Maybe it’s completely selfish because I’m not willing to announce to the world when I’m not doing well, but I would like those who are closest to me… I’d like them to know, at least from time to time that things just plain suck.